Monthly Archives: January 2012

Her Story / My Cure

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Lacie: Her Journey Her story sounded so familiar. It was as if I had heard those exact same words before. She said, “I’m so unsure Coley, I just want him to speak to me and I just want to know that he is there.” Right then, I realized where I had heard that same cry for help. It was me; I had spoken those words internally the night before. Frustrated without a means to quench it, I stood there in the shower starring at the falling water. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. It was as if my spirit silently commanded my tear ducts to dry up before the first drop could even form. So I stood there, like a man awaiting the prison guards to open the gates so that I could walk into freedom. That night, I fell asleep praying.

We met so that I could talk to her about reestablishing her relationship with God. Honestly, who am I to try to help someone re-establish a relationship with God when I am unconsciously working to destroy mine? I know, maybe that last sentence was to real, aye? Right now I am not focused on the legalistic factors that govern religion but I am concerned with the condition of the entire being of a person. In high school, the football coach would always say, “You can dress a turd up, but it’s still gonna stink”. Well, I am the turd and I didn’t bother to dress up today. As she begin to open up more, I notice the heaviness that she concealed with a smile. Even though she didn’t want it to, her true feelings begin to seep out from behind the smile and laughter. Her eyes turned red but she refused to let herself cry. I glanced at her for a second. In that moment, I saw her heart and I saw her desire to be better and to do better. She talked to me about her fights with depression. I could relate. I have come to find this to be true, “Ya just never know what people go through”. Truth be told, many of us are carrying things that we do not known how to rid ourselves of. My pastor often says, “That’s a God Job”. Meaning some things God will just have to handle because we lack the intelligence to do so. I sat there allowing her to get it all out, being un-judgmental in every sense of the word. Before we realized it, we had spent most of the afternoon just talking. There were moments of laughter, seriousness and moments “I just don’t know”. I didn’t meet her with the notion that I would have all the answers, instead I met her with the notion that I would listen to all her concerns and worries. It is my prayer that God would manifest himself to her in an unorthodox manner so that she will not only hear about his love but so that she will experience it.

I am Marc Coley & I am [unleashed]
Follow Me On Twitter @marcunleashed

Hungry Man Syndrome

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My grandmother loved to cook! To me she was the best cook around! Seeing that I didn’t have many to choose from, I guess she automatically was the best to me. Nevertheless, she cooked all my favorite foods. Fried chicken, corn bread, pecan pie, greens.. [ I am hungry NOW ]. Well, sometimes she cooked things that I didn’t like so well and I would refuse to eat them! I mean if I don’t want to eat something, why should I, right? To my surprise she never got upset and fussed at me about it, she would just say, “When ya hungry enough, you will eat.” Obliviously she didn’t know me because I was determined not to eat that disgusting looking food. Well as time went on and my stomach grumbled more and more, I begin to have second thoughts about this disgusting food. Long story short, I gave in and ate what was before me. I guess I got “Hungry enough” aye?

“When hunger is more than the physical and it begins to dominate your mental state, that’s a sign that you are ready ” … Marc Coley

The Hungry Man Syndrome: No matter the obstacle before you are not detoured from achieving your goal. A hungry man always eat! 

There is something special about the human spirit that is quite interesting to me. Desperate situation possess the ability to force us out of our natural selves and step into something GREATER. I will never forget the story of a woman whose child was stuck under the tire of a car and, the woman, out of desperation lifted the car to rescue her child. The wow factor to this story was that she was a mere woman, that when the time came “tapped in” to a higher source of strength. There was no time to lolly-gag over the matter; in fact, it was literally a “Life or Death” situation. What has the ability to occur when you then step into the realm of the ‘ Hungry Man ‘. I’ll give you the answer, ANYTHING! No, you don’t have to have it all together before you step out, you don’t have to have all the money either [ preaching to myself] you just need to be HUNGRY. Hunger is define as >> a strong or compelling desire or craving. In the natural scenes of the word, can you recall how you responded on those occasions when you were hungry? If you are anything like me , all I thought about was that fact that I was hungry and how soon I was going to eat. In other words the physical desire for food forced its way into my mind, which caused it to be a mental desire as well.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Dr. King

Biblical Principle >>
James 2:26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

“Success is more than the declaration of such; it is the possession [action] of such”…. Marc Coley

I really think you should..give it up! Success will not drop out the sky and hit you on top of your head, if it does, give me the address of where the next dropping will occur and I will be there pronto! Focus. Make a plan and then work the system. I mean really WORK the system. My God Mom preached a message some years ago that has not left me yet. She said “It’s not WHAT ya KNOW it’s WHO ya KNOW “. In other words, it’s not in the power of my “knowing”, all the time, sometimes, it is in my power of “connecting”. That is why is essential to never burn bridges as you cross them, you never know which ones you will need to travel back. That principal alone has taught me not only to be gun-ho about my success but also to be passionate about the success of others. Teamwork works wonders!  [ free leadership training via marcunleashed.com ]. Connection alone is a powerful tool, but it becomes useless/powerless if there is no DRIVE behind it.

JUMP OFF THE PLANE! The Wind will catch ya !  [ I hope jk ] Many people don’t know this about me .. [ come closer .. don't want everyone to know this ] I am a shy person! I know, I know, you don’t believe me , right! Anyway, I mentally force myself to do things that I am afraid to do. I can remember when I was in high-school and we had our annual talent show, I would always say to myself, “I want to be up there performing”. Well in my tenth grade year I stop wishing and I worked up enough nerve to go and sign up for the next talent show. Well sadly, I didn’t win but the fact that I got up there was a stepping stone for my confidence. I thought if I could do that, then I can do anything. After that talent show, I organized my school first independent gospel choir, I joined the poetry club and I also had a starring role in my school’s Christmas play. It all started with HUNGER. I encourage not only desire things that you want to do, but I dare you to get a plan and work the system! I will not say that it will be an easy journey, but I know for a fact that it will be a rewarding one.

>>Yo! I am soooooo sorry [inserts sad face] Where are my manners? You are hungry right?? and I am keeping you ! Ugh forgive me, I’m done… so go EAT!

I am Marc Coley & I am [Unleashed]
Follow Me On Twitter @marcunleashed

Your Best Life Now [Marc's Edition]

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Joel Osteen has a book called, “Your Best Life Now”, so I thought it was only fitting that I stir up your MoJo with my rendition of such! I hope these steps help you as they help me! 

1.    Use every free opportunity to get some face-time with God! If you are bored, why send a mass text message asking random people “WYD” when you could be praying and asking God “WYD” !  Example: Use your shower time – you can even talk to him in the car as you commute to work in the morning!

2.  Stop being so darn grumpy all the time! My Grandma said that if you keep frowning and looking ugly, one of these days you are going to get stuck like that!  Smile, it will carry you along way.

3.  Go through your phone or Facebook contact list and pick a random person to bless. It does not have to be MONEY! It only takes a minute to send a card or a kind email or text. You never know whose life you can impact! 

4.  Turn off the radio, the phone, the TV, and the internet, while you at it! Just for a few hours every now and then, allow God to speak to you without any outside interferences.

5 . Make a list of people that you have offended or that have offended you and go back and attempt to make things right [give it another shot! Yes, even after the 20th time]. Even if you were not at fault, still GO BACK!

6.  Do something out of the normal! Get adventurous and do something wild! (NOT TOO WILD NOW!)

7.  Expand your circle of friends so that it is diverse.  If possible, befriend people of different nationalities and cultures. Someone that is different from you can teach you new things about the world.

8.  Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you find yourself getting offended easily, just take a moment and look at the bigger picture.

9. Today, find a way to compliment an absolute stranger. It is easy to find or say something negative so purposely find something good to say and share it with that person!

10. Last but not least, laugh at a good joke today! Be silly and let your hair down! Play dress up with your kids. Take goofy pictures and share them with the world, it’s okay, we will still love you if you crack a smile.

I am Marc Coley & I am [unleashed]
Follow Me On Twitter @marcunleashed  

Fix My MoM & Fix Me 2 pt2

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As I comb thru my locks of pride and insecurity, I think to myself, “Rapunzel ain’t got anything on me!” I am not gloating; I would prefer to call it “self-awareness”….

“I haven’t given up hope… I am just running on a short supply” …. Marc Coley

As promised, I am back with the conclusion of the matter. I am honored that you decided to come back and if this is your first time, I extend the same warm welcome.  If you read part 1, you have an idea as to how I will flow on part 2.  Here is my story, better yet, here is her story.

Well, [sigh] [Pulls out the brush and begins to comb]

I was enrolled as a student at Quitman County Elementary up until the 7th grade. Don’t ask, that was just the setup of that particular school system. Nevertheless, it was not until my seventh grade year, that my luck changed and I was no longer the “butt of jokes” for the student body. That day could have ruined it all for [[me]] <<  PRIDE.

There was a knock at the door. I don’t recall what we were learning about that particular day. Ms. Taylor, my teacher, walked to the door and opened it. I didn’t bother to look up until I heard my name. They walked into my classroom. I saw my grandmother first and then I saw my mother. Immediately, my heart dropped in my chest. It was as if someone had taken a hammer and without warning plunged it into forcefully into my back. Mentally, I begin to prepare myself to be humiliated by my peers. My mind flooded with thoughts of lying to hide the truth. Do you blame me?.. I had a hard enough time as it was… They came into the classroom and talked to my teacher. I was still nervous. I watched in fear. I was afraid that my newly found (cool) reputation would be ruined. I feel the lumps welling up in my throat out of fear. I am hoping internally that this visit is as painless as possible. To my surprise it went well. My mom was quiet the entire time. They checked me out of school and I remember as if it was yesterday, she asked me, “Did I act ok?” I responded with a happy “Yes!” She didn’t embarrass [ME] << the development of pride at an early age.

“She smoked a lot. I begged her to quit because I didn’t want her to die.”… Marc Coley

I envisioned us riding in the car talking for countless hours about nothing in particular. Just normal, mother and son conversations. I often pictured me introducing her to my closest friends; even the special ones. Don’t laugh but I could hear my friends calling her ‘mom’ because she was so cool with them. Don’t [read] this blog and assume that I am a depressed individual, but this is just a mirror and I am standing in front of it.

It was a family function that day. Maybe a cookout or birthday party, I can’t remember.  My grandmother and aunt’s house are in the same yard. Music is blasting and everyone is having a good time. I am at my aunt’s house sitting on her porch. My mom sits down beside me. She is drunk. I feel a frog in my throat, because I wanted to cry as I look at her. If I remember correctly I did shed a tear or two. Barely able to get the words out, I told her “I’m going to take care of you when I get older”. I promised to be there. Looking back on those memories, I can honestly say that I have…. failed. I don’t call like I need to. I don’t pray like should. Quite frankly, I can’t give you a ‘good enough excuse’ as to why not.

West Central [Google it]>> If you are from Columbus or the surrounding areas, you may have heard of West Central. If not, [Google it]. Nevertheless, it is a mental institution. I remember the first time my mom went there. In fact, in the course of her life she has been there several times. Anyway, I was glad she was going because, from my understanding, or I should say from a child’s mind, they would “fix” her. She stayed for a few weeks before coming home. I went to visit. I noticed a change in her demeanor, but I hated the fact that my mother had to be there.

Witch Doctor >> My mom or “Shelly” as my family calls her has functioned in cycles for the last few years. One moment she seems to be improving and the next it is as though she is getting worst. While my grandmother was living she had gotten so frustrated with my mother’s situation that one day she went to a strange lady’s house. At that time I didn’t know who the lady was. It wasn’t until years later that I put 1 and 1 together and realized that the lady was a root worker. Anyway, we walked into her home and this lady sat my mom down and began to talk to her. By this time I was escorted out of the room, but I did hear what was being said. The woman told my grandmother that someone had “put something” on my mother. Black magic, if you will. So the lady gave my grandmother a bar of soap for my mother to bathe in and some candles to burn to rid her of the evil spirits. Well, you probably know by now, but that solution did not work.

Spiritual Warfare >>> I met a pastor a few years back that was pretty heavy in demonic possession; an expert so to speak. I was convinced that it was a demon inside of my mother that was causing her to be mentally unstable. I was referred to her by a friend of mine.  We walked into her office that day and I told her what I thought was the problem. If hope could be measured on a scale, mine had easily set a record. She anointed my mother’s head with oil and she began to pray. I knew that this was it; the moment of deliverance. My heart was full of joy. That day, I expected to walk out with a brand new mother.  … but .. but.. that day, I walked out broken and frustrated. I tried to understand “this” but I was unsuccessful. I didn’t understand.

I blamed her for failing me. I blamed God for not making my life “normal”. Surprisingly, the more I live, the more I understand the beauty of the abnormality. It sets me apart for greatness. We humans, being infinite in power cannot change the past. Once things have been done or said it cannot be “undone” or “unsaid”. If so, I would immediately go back and right the many wrongs that I have committed but, honestly, the more I think about it, I am glad we cannot… I salute the past because it shaped me and I hug the future because it embraces me. I love my mother; I guess I haven’t shown her.  If she died today, I would be devastated because she didn’t fail me … I failed her. Pride wrapped its hands around me and held me captive. Today, MY operation to be fixed begins…

I grasp this concept and I hold on to it with dear life.
Daniel 3:13-18

17 if our God Whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up!

God, my prayer has changed. 23 years and I now understand. Please “Fix Me” …

I am Marc Coley & I am [Unleashed]
Follow Me On Twitter @marcunleashed


Dear 2012

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Dear 2012 ,
I know you are still kinda “new” to this but I thought it would be appropriate to let ya know that I’m not allowing you to overtake as your predecessor ”2011″ did. I know..I know… he probably told you I was “easy”… but I’m giving you a heads up that things have and will continue to change. Not much of a fighter but .. 2012 #putchadukesUP  : <<<< That was powerful huh ? It got you emotionally stirred. It boosted your ego ?You felt , if only for a second that you were gonna ROCK 2012 ! … I am not going to bring you off your high .. because you can, you just got to FIGHT !
 
Anyway , Happy 2012. I don’t have a deep prophetic word that coincides with the number 12′ to make you feel cocky about the new year. Sorry, but I do find this principle to be true , ” Nothing changes physically, until it changes mentally.”
New Year // New You // New Do [ females ]. By the time you have exhausted your new found wealth [income tax money] .. it will be Old Year // Old You // Old Do !  Trust me it’s a “mindset” that I know all to well. The cycles, the roller coasters , the up and down moments in your spiritual life. One moment you feel as though you can pray heaven down ! Then other moments you feel as if  ” ya got the Devil in ya.” Am I right or Am I right ? Ohhhh… Ohh you one of them types ? Ya know, the people that came out of their mother’s womb speaking in tongues and laying hands on the doctors ? …If that is you, then ya probably want to stop reading right now, because the material below does not apply to you . As for the folks like me … keep reading ..  it gets better…
To: 2012@newyear.com
CC: marc_coley@ymail.com
Subject: Dear 2012
I changed. I know, I am just as shocked as you are. It is not until you need God’s grace and mercy that you truly appreciate its value. You may not know this but,  I stopped hiding from myself. For first time I looked in the mirror and I saw “me”. Not the guy people see, but I saw me. Not much of a looker in my opinion. I saw that timid guy, that insecure man, the guy that smiled on the outside and cried on the inside. I saw him.  We gazed into each others eyes as if we had just met for the first time. Funny how he has been apart of me for 23 years and I never took the time to “learn of him”. I apologized for the miscommunication over the years. To be honest the prefix “mis” wasn’t fitting , I should have said, ” I’m sorry for deliberately avoiding you.”
He cried as he talked. It seemed as though he had been holding in so much. Poor guy, I guessed he didn’t know how to fool people as I did. He told me about all the times he tried to talk to me and I ignored him. I didn’t recall, but he insisted that he did. He mentioned all the times I was in the car by myself and he would try to talk but before he was able to utter a word he said I would turn on my music. I explained it was my “christian music”. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I kept my mind occupied so that he, “me”, could not seep in.  Honestly, I didn’t have time to deal with him. I was always busy. I really was [sighs]. Monday I had seminary class, Tuesday I taught bible study, Wednesday I had class again, Thursday I had rehearsal, Friday & Saturday I chilled with my friends, and Sunday I had church. He didn’t understand. The more that I tried to get him to see my point of view, the more he cried. I yelled ” People Need Coley .” Change Culture Needs me ! … he silenced me with one statement.. He said, ” But I needed you MORE!” . I gazed at him. I was speechless. I made him a promise that this year I will do better. I owe it to him.
So 2012, I changed. I am not making a declaration that I will not make mistakes this year. I’m making the declaration that I WILL do better.
I am Marc Coley & I am [now] UNleashed..
Follow me @marcunleashed


Fix My MoM & Fix Me 2

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The format that this is written is called “As Is” Format. For some reason, I couldn’t tap into my normal style of writing to express this post. So as my aunt would say, “You getting it straight from the horse’s mouth”. I am now assuming the title of the horse and here is my mouthful …..

Poetry Slam:
I stood on stage as if it was mine, as if I had physically drawn the blueprint and had nailed the wood down myself. I had confidence because I felt every word that I was about to speak. The lights gleamed in my face that night.

Before the Poetry Slam:
The poetry slam committee asked us to walk around a museum and find a piece of artwork that inspired us. I walked around looking for something that literally reached out of the picture and captured my heart. I was on a mission to find my inspiration. After walking around I came across something that grabbed me. In front of me stood an abstract painting of a woman smoking a cigarette. That was it! That was my inspiration.”The poem was called the “Pack of Smokes”. I won the poetry slam that night. I spoke with such passion and realization that I convinced the audience that my story was real. Well , it was. …”

“Every time I look at her my heart breaks. It is an awful reminder that God has not yet came through and secretly, I don’t think he will. “
Do you mind if I…[sighs]… let my hair down [ figure of speech ] / ya know.. be myself [takes off mask ]? I mean, this is my new home [marcunleashed.com ] so I think one should find it most comfortable to be “themselves” in the place that they reside, right?
I can’t remember the exact year. I am not even sure what the weather was like that day. What I do remember are the thoughts and feelings that rushed through my body.I am looking out of the window in my grandmother’s room and praying. I was about 9 or 10 at that time. I was praying for my mother. I asked God to “Fix Her”. At that time , I didn’t understand everything but I knew that there was something wrong. I was sincere about my request, so sincere that I made God a promise. I said, ” If you fix my mom, I will be a good little boy “. …  she never got “fixed”.
All my life, I have been embarrassed of my mom. I can’t remember a time when it was any different. I shone the idea of being seen with her in public because ya know, I had/have an image to maintain and a mentally ill mother doesn’t fit that equation.  I just wished that she was like everyone else’s mom. This is funny, but when I was little I would see families on tv with the  mom and dad and I would drift off into my imaginary world of “What If”.. [ still letting hair down, sorry its taking so long ]. It seemed as though my family had accepted that ; that was how she (my mom) was and no one head a problem with it.As I said earlier, I am writing as it comes — I am jumping back in forth between my past and present.She calls me to pick her up. My mood instantly changes. I don’t know if I’m upset with her or I’m frustrated at the fact that she is not “fixed” yet.  “Come pick me up”, she says. I find every excuse in the book not to go, cause I don’t want to be bothered. It’s funny cause if any one else called, I would make it my mission to do what they requested. My best friend says “don’t be like that.. she’s your mom”. Simultaneously a nerve and an emotion are struck . I become defensive. ” You don’t understand! Your Mother is normal!” …Maybe I am not praying hard enough. Maybe I didn’t fast long enough. Maybe I should do the 40 days and nights to show God That I really want her “Fixed”. I am frustrated. I know, I know … I have everyone praying and fasting, surely things will change. No results.

Every now and then she makes me smile. She says something that catches me off guard and for a moment I feel hopeful. Sadly, those moments are few. Sometimes she randomly calls me handsome and I smile. Well , I can’t help but to. She is telling the truth.

This entire time I have been praying that God would “Fix Her” … until now (after writing this) , I think my request should have been God “Fix Me” …

I think I will pause until next week. There is more hair to be let down. This is healing me. You don’t know the power that “sharing” your story brings to you, until you SHARE.

Some Facts :

1. Women are more likely to suffer from mental illness than men.
2. 2.6% or 5.7million adults in America suffer from bipolar disorder.
3.  Mental health problems affect 1 in 5 american families.
4. 1 in 10 children have a mental health disorder between the ages of 1 and 15

I am Marc Coley
@marcunleashed on twitter !


Conception | Unwanted Surprises

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*** Disclaimer : there will be grammatical errors / run on sentences / & possibly a few misspelled words ( if the spell check doesn’t catch them ). It’s just the nature of the beast. One thing you can count on is.. raw content straight from my mind to this blog. ***

The last few weeks we have been jumping onto these monsters. This week we still are. Some come with warning, others  don’t …

“Wake up Marcus” WAKE UP MARCUS. “She’s Gone, Marcus, She’s GONE!. She was shaking me frantically; it was about 3 o clock in the morning.

I love you grandma! We didn’t throw that word around much in my house but I knew how she felt about me. She could have been fooling me but she made me feel as if I was the world to her. She was a short petite woman with a soft pecan brown complexion. Her hands were strong and rugged from years of child-bearing and farm work, but to me they were soft and comforting. Her hair was a mixture of gray and black, it was beginning to thin and the grey was seeming to win the battle of dominance. On Sundays I would awaken to her telling me to get up for Sunday school. The night prior she would always read the Sunday school lesson with me. I honestly can’t remember a time when we didn’t. On Sundays she used to put on her favorite purple dress, her purple “grown woman” heels and her white pearls. I thought she was beautiful.  She didn’t wear makeup and to top it off she put on a short curly wig. “My Grandma”, I though with pride.

Warm summer days, I remember getting off the bus [that wretched place (part2)] and walking into the house, where she would greet me from her favorite chair, I responded with a simple, “Hay”. Well, one day she decided to correct  me.  As usual, I stormed in the door, and said,” Hay!” She replied sharply, “Hay, Hay back! Now stick your head in a paper sack!” Well, that took me by surprised and I was silent for a moment. She told me to say, “Hay, How are you or Good evening.” I still do this till this day.

Conception: Unwanted Surprise

The year is 2001. I am in the 7th grade.  I live in Morris, GA. The country life is all I knew.  I am in my room asleep. I didn’t get under the covers that night because it is hot. “Wake up Marcus” WAKE UP MARCUS. “She’s Gone, Marcus, She’s GONE! I woke up. I am confused and startled. I see my aunt from next  door standing over me crying. I don’t know what’s going on. She repeats she’s GONE! I get out of my bed and stumble as I try to walk forward. I follow her out into the hallway. The next room is the dining area. I stop before getting into the room. My breathing unconsciously gets heavier. My heart rate seems to be going 300 miles per hour. I see her in her favorite chair. Her head is slumped over. Her eyes are closed. I look around and everyone is crying. Mentally, I am trying to think of every possible explanation but the obvious. Reality is fighting to set in, but with every  ounce of strength in me, I fight back. Tears begin to fall without me even thinking about crying, reality won, she is …. She is … she is …. DEAD… My grandmother is dead. My world chatters instantly, my future, my goals, my dreams all vanish within moments. My security, my confidante is gone.

I am hurt, I am confused. Death happens to other people but not to her.  Surely, God being [all-knowing] knows how much I need her here with me… doesn’t He…? I wanted to make her proud; I wanted her to see me grow up. I wanted her to be there when I graduated.  … I just want her here. I am selfish, but I don’t care… she was mine.

Snapshot: I am in an airplane and the hatch is open ready for me to jump out! Life is behind me and it tells me that I will push you when you are ready. I am confident in that because when I AM READY, then I will jump. Without any announcement, Life pushes me out of the plane. As I fall, I’m thinking …. “I wasn’t ready YET! … I WASN’T ready YET!  But Life doesn’t care if you were ready…

In the midst of living life; I have learned that it will throw everything and anything at you! Sadly, most of the time it comes without warning. The only thing that God has given us power to control is our response. How we respond to the “unwanted surprises” is what dictates how our life unfolds. Here are the FACTS: Life will give you LEMONS… but take those lemons and start a multibillion dollar company and call it “The Lemons of Life, LLC”. The thing about Monsters is that they will come and go. It’s almost like clockwork; a new monster [struggle] is born unto us each day. I’m learning that they may not go away just when I want them to, but God is using the monsters to PERFECT greatness in me.

Thank you so much for reading. As we go into the New Year remember, “Nothing changes physically, until it changes mentally!”

 

I am Marc Coley & [ I am Finally Unleashed]
Follow me on twitter @marcunleashed