Category Archives: Monster Series

The Gospel of The Monster.

The Monster of Porn [Part 2]

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“Just as the smoker voluntary kills themselves with each puff of poison, I too voluntary inhaled the poison of porn” … Marc Coley

Frankenstein is not worthy to be compared to the Monster that I have patiently and privately groomed into a furious, untamable beast. There is a Monster that lives, breathes, and moves as if he existed in the natural world. When he is hungry, he forces me to feed him. When he is sick of people, he forces me to cut them off. When he is moody he forces me to let those around me know that I am not having a good day. When he is sexually deprived, he begs for sexual gratification. When he is mad, he forces me to think of words to destroy. When he is jealous, he forces me to seek ways to get revenge. I am in no way glorifying this Monster of sin – I am merely painting the art that it has inspired me to create – You can call this painting #death.

Understand that Monsters do not just show up at your front door one day and demand that you become enslaved by their evil control. Actually, Monsters begin as small innocent creatures that show up when life seems the most unbearable. They offer an escape or a temporary fix –often times they disguise themselves as what seems to be a source of friendship or short-term comfort. After a period of time, you get comfortable with their presence. They (Monsters) move in.

“Monsters fight to get into your life – likewise they will fight to stay there…” Marc Coley

[Monster of Porn]

As I stared at him, he leaned forward and whispered this in my ear. “Pretend to be perfect, when you’re in church – lift your hands along with everyone else, speak in tongues- just as they do. Remember to shout when they play fast music – quote scriptures. If you do these things…my dear Marc, then we can be together… forever. I stood there numb by the death sentence that I had just heard. He no longer had to pull me further in the door; I walked in freely without being coerced. As he guided me into the dark hole, The Monster of Porn paused and said there is someone that I would like you to meet. I silently stood there not knowing what to expect and out of the dark shadows, I saw a small frame of what looked to be a young man. It was hard to see him because there was very little light. As this figure came closer, what I saw was enough to make my heart skip a beat. …….

“I am not an example of perfection; I am an example of progression”… Marc Coley                                

Writing this has been somewhat of a challenge. After I received the draft back from the editor @marcunleashed.com I read over it once more and I hit submit. I instantly got up from my computer, I closed Facebook and I walked outside. I juggled back and forth within my mind did I just make the right decision. I felt stupid and embarrassed. About 10 minutes later I got a text that said wow, “thank-you”. Pride wanted me to continue the religious charade as so many Christians do. As you see, I refused to participate. I have received tons of emails, texts and comments concerning this Monster that not only rules the world, but the church as well. Traffic to my blog has tripled over night. I am not moved by the sudden response. The truth is the truth no matter who writes it. God just graced me with the courage to do so. I am not ashamed of my past, present, or future struggles – my only fear was how people would perceive me after the truth. Well, after some deep soul searching I have come to this conclusion, if you don’t love me after the truth, than you never loved me in the first place, you loved a lie.

This Monster of Porn blackmailed me as if our relationship was something from a Lifetime original Film. Many times, like you, I contemplated telling someone that I struggled but I couldn’t because he said that if I ever told anyone, I would lose everything that I had worked so hard to build. He reminded me that the friends that I had would leave me and that people would no longer trust the call of God on my life. This Monster isolated me, he told me I was the only one that struggled – with everything at stake I decided to go back and attempt to fight a battle that I was doomed to lose.

You can escape the hands of the enemy, but religion should not be your weapon of choice. I will not stand before you and say that with one prayer you will be free from every force that opposes you. I spent so much time believing that deliverance was attached to the preacher. I thought, “If this preacher prays for me this monster would leave.” After being license as a minister in 2007 I spent so much time and energy trying to be an example of perfection, but I stand before you as a representation of progression. This post was to bring light to the monster that may exist in your life. This post was to draw attention to the sexually perverted Christians that the church is cultivating.

“The Church will beat down the “drug” addict while the “porn” addict goes unnoticed – All because one is visible & the other is invisible” … Marc Coley

This message is hitting some of you directly in the heart. You have become so wrapped around your “image” that you no longer realize that you have a problem. When you come down from the hype of religion, YOUR Monster is still waiting to go home with you. No matter how much oil is slapped across your head and no matter how many times you lap around the church building – That monster holds on to you for dear life. What you have spent so much time feeding and grooming is now so powerful that you alone cannot control it. I remember my Grandmother use to say “ If you don’t whoop em’ now, don’t try to whoop em’ when they’re grown.” Your Monster is GROWN and you alone cannot deal with it. You have to speak out – do not allow pride to silence you any longer. Jesus says… “I come that you might have life”… Might| indicates that you can have what God is offering or you can decline it. Trust me God wants us to be free – YOU & ME both – How can we be effective in the world if we are yet bound?

The church is cultivating a generation of Homosexuals – Lesbians – Fornicators –Porn Addicts –  & etc. I am not giving creodonts that the church as a whole supports these things; I am merely saying that if we remain “closed-mouthed” on the issues then we will never be victorious in our fight against the enemy. We are bound; a prisoner within our own confines. Pride has locked us away and dares us to speak out. I took the key from pride and I opened the cage – that closet- I burn it down in PART-1 – Now as I move forward, I extend the invitation for you to come with me. We are in a dangerous season in life – despite the hype – I do not feel that a “shift” or a “breakthrough” is coming until we rid ourselves of the #Monsters. There need not be another “praise-fest” or another “self-help conference” until The Monster that lives DIES. I dare to be the David of my generation and meet Goliath flat-footed and with a voice of strength and resilience and say “Today, we toast to the beginning of the End.” It is true, Monsters do live – BUT GOD carries the weight and the capability to slay the Monster of Pride, Fornication, Homosexuality, Lesbianism, and whatever else you may be fighting with. A revolt has begun – MONSTERS DIE.

[CONTINUED]
The Monster that stood before me was 5’3 and of brown complexion, medium build – My hands covered my mouth while I stood there in complete shock. The Monster that stood before me – was “me” with a voice of glee, The Monster of Porn said “This Monster is called The Monster of Masturbation.” He was silent and without hesitation, the Monster of Porn grabbed my left hand and the Monster of Masturbation grabbed my right hand and together they guided me deeper into the dark hole.

Coming Up >>|The Monster of Masturbation Part 1 | The Conception

DISCLAMIER: I, Marc Coley, do not smoke nor do we at www.marcunleashed.com endorse smoking. The artwork was used to capture the emotion of the blog.

Marc Coley & I am finally [Unleashed]
@marcunleashed | www.marcunleashed.com

The Monster of Porn Pt.1

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Monster of Porn: Pt 1 

I ran out of the closet as if my life depended on it, when in actuality, it did. Every fiber of my being rested on a mental decision to open a door. Doors are powerful tools in life. They possess the power to lock you out of a place or to allow you in. This particular door’s assignment was to keep me out of the destination that God had purposed for me. If I must say, this door had done a great job of doing so over the years.

I bent over, placing the palm of my sweaty hands over my knees. Freedom is based on one decision. The smallest objects in life are the cure to the biggest problems. I reached for the can of gas and the box of matches that rested near the soles of my feet. Without thinking twice, I took them and I began to pour gas on the outskirts of the door.. I opened the door and began to pour gas on the inside of closet as well. I walked out and grabbed the matches and I lit it. As I stared at the flickering flames, I thought to myself, “Today, I toast to the beginning of the end”, and with that thought I threw the match on the door and I watched my prison burn to the ground.

The Monster of Porn

The first time I experienced Porn, I was about 6 years old. I curiously put the unmarked black VHS into the VCR and I pressed play. I can’t remember the exact time, neither do I recall what I had on, I just know that what I saw changed my life forever. That day, a door was opened and before me stood the Monster of Porn. He grabbed my hand and led me through a door that had no end. He turned around as he was leading me and said with assurance “My name is Porn, and I will never let you go”.  That day I wasn’t just introduced to sexual perversion, but I was introduced to a decapitating addiction.

I am really at a lost for words right now! Where do I begin, where do I end? I do know that I can no longer pretend that I do not struggle within myself. I cannot allow my peers or religious fanatics to put me on sinless pedestal only for me to struggle to keep my balance. I’d much rather fall and let God pick me up!

Excuse me , Do you have makeup remover?  I need a lot – I am tired of covering up the scars. .. Marc Coley

A “Preacher friend” of mine said something recently that was so profound.  She said “the only thing that separates individuals in the regards of sin, is money”. Allow me to explain…. For example, the woman with money can do everything in the book and still be considered a sophisticated, well-to-do young lady but the woman without money cannot afford the luxury of covering up her sins. So she is considered a whore or a trashy lady. The sin is no different. It is simply the presentation of it that changes. I am not rich by a long shot, but I have given my last shiny red penny in exchange for the most expensive make- up.

“Don’t you know that if you offer to be someone’s slave, you must obey that master? Either your master is sin, or your master is obedience. Letting sin be your master leads to death. Letting obedience be your master leads to God’s approval.” —————– Gods Word Romans 6:16

I am its Slave and it is My Master.  The monster of Porn that reigned over me could be compared to the harshness and severity that Adolf Hitler had over the Jewish. It is controlling and cruel. I am at the mercy of it’s throne.

If I don’t kill him, he will kill me…  Marc Coley

Paul expressed my exact thoughts – I don’t realize what I’m doing. I don’t do what I want to do. Instead, I do what I hate. God’s Word Romans 7:15. Like Paul, I find myself doing the very thing that I do not want to do.

Google knows more about me than most of my friends and family. I have shared with it some of my darkest secrets. I sweep it with the “Internet Eraser” and it forgets that I am a flawed Christian, only to remind it of who I really am the next day. [If you knew what Google knew about me, I’m sure you would 2nd guess my confession of Christianity]

The Monster of Porn taught me deception. We didn’t always have cable growing up. When we finally did, my eyes were opened to so much. Some good and some bad; mostly bad.  It didn’t take long for me to discover the XXX channels. Once my curiosity was sparked it triggered a chain reaction. Late at night The Monster would wake me up to begin the class of deceit. Porn was the teacher and I was the submissive student.  I would wake up and turn the volume down and begin to watch it. I programmed the remote to return to kid-friendly shows at the press of a button. My grandmother’s room was next to mine so I would periodically walk to her room to make sure she was still asleep. I learned well and I practiced daily.

Someone has to talk about it… I guess I will break the ice… Watch out, the ice may be breaking under your feet .. Marc Coley

The internet was no different. My childhood friend gave me a CD that allowed free internet access. Good old Juno was my best friend when I was in the seventh grade. I popped it in the computer and the world was at my fingertips. Each night, the cravings that I had intensified more and more.  My flesh had become so consumed with Porn until I could not control its nightly visitation. I would go to school and write reminders to myself on different things that I wanted to search for when I got home.  It had me by the throat. I was a slave.

I was still young, but somehow I felt that it was wrong.  It didn’t seem right.  I didn’t fully understand, but what I was able to sense that it was something bad.  I remember when I hit puberty and I began to masturbate.  I was opening doors that I was too young to walk thru but the Monster of Porn grabbed my hands and guided me in anyway.

The Church tends to stray away from this taboo topic of sexual sins. If this trend continues- the Church will cultivate a culture of sexually perverted Christians. Many people don’t really discuss sexual problems within the Church, maybe because such a bulk of people struggle in that area and because we are ashamed, therefore, we do not share. I’ve noticed that it is easy to teach and preach from areas that you have defeated, but if I be naked with you, it’s a challenge to confess the issue that is still just that… an ISSUE.

What makes Porn Bad? In fact what is Porn? Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction. I struggled with those questions for quite some time. It wasn’t until around 2002 when my relationship with God began. I mean, I grew up in church but that does not equate to the church growing in me.  Nevertheless, my sister introduced me to God in 2002 shortly after my grandmother passed. It was a refreshing time in my life. God offered me hope and love.  I began to learn more and more about Him. From that one introduction, I started chasing him down like a dog chases a cat.

Stay tuned for Part 2 —- While you are waiting , take a look at some startling facts.

* April 6, 2007: 70% of Christians admitted to struggling with porn in their daily lives. From a non-scientific poll taken by XXXChurch, as reported by CNN.

* In a survey of over 500 Christian men at a men’s retreat, over 90% admitted that they were feeling disconnected from God because lust, porn, or fantasy had gained a foothold in their lives. As reported in an article on Pastors.com by Kenny Luck.

 

I am Marc Coley
& I am finally [Unleashed] 
Follow me on twitter@marcunleased

Conception | The Monster Lives Pt. 2

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The Monster Lives

Text Message … Friend : What are you talking about ( referring to the blog ) Me : Monster LOL Friend : Monsters?? Like GaGa’s monsters?? Lol Me: Nah mine… Where did I .. I meant where did he come from? Every since I can remember, he … Continue reading →

The Monster Lives

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Frankenstein ain’t got nothing on me.. I meant HIM . I swear that there is a monster that lives, breathes, and moves inside of me. When it’s hungry he forces me to feed him. When he is sick of people, he forces me to cut them off. When he is moody he forces me to let those that are around me know that I am not having a good day. When he is horny, he begs me to get sexual gratification. We he is mad, he forces me to think of words to destroy. When he is jealous, he forces me to seek ways to get revenge.. A real life MONSTER… inside of “little old ME “.. figure that ?

It is Marc Coley … yeah – the naked.me guy. I have been feeling that statement more and more as the days go on. I believe that God is defiantly doing something different inside of me. [not sure what it is] I feel that I’m being prepared for something that isn’t that glamorous but for something that will impact a world of people.

NAKED … so liberating .. so refreshing.  I spoke with a friend a few years ago about the subject of blackmail. Ya know .. blackmail .. when someone holds something over you in-order to get what they want from you … ok-ok you want a Webster meaning , aye?  Here it goes … to force or coerce into a particular action, statement, etc . So what happens is , as LONG as you keep the monster on the hush the enemy is able to Blackmail you . OK, you are reading like you are confused. Lemme break it down.

Say your Monster is the fact that you have sex outside your marriage. The enemy of course knows that… after all he is the one that tempts, persuades and leads us into traps. Any who, by you trying to hide “the monster” you have to live a double life.. because everyone knows you as a Christian and they CAN NOT find out your secret , Right? … Blackmail … wouldn’t it be liberating to get it off your chest and say what you struggle with so that your REAL brothers and sisters can help you and pray you through ? YEP.. but of course we are taught to hide and be secretive… but if you are reading this I believe that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you through these words. Be free …#fareal … be free…

Back to my Monster … yeah he’s still here. My grandma use to say “if ya feed em’ , they stick around “ … she was referring to the wild animals that use to make their way into our yard… but I’m referring to the struggles that stick around. Yep. I admit .. I’m not perfect … I forgot to send the memo to those that admire me. I forgot to post it on my Facebook status for those that say ” Coley is SOOOO anointed ” … yep.. that guy.. He has a monster. Growing bigger and stronger as the days go by. I attempt to ignore him … I try to pretend he’s not there. I say to myself, .. When I wake up he will be gone…. or maybe if I pray in tongues it will magically disappear … but with no luck… HE YET LIVES...!!  Oh!! I know … I will run to the alter and the man up there will lay hands on me and pour a bottle of olive oil on me and when I get home .. the Monster will be gone  … NOPE . Not that easy!

The Monster lives … The only one that can deliver me from this unforgiving attachment, is GOD. Knowing that… I have cried countless nights but he has not yet deliver … until then I’m processing …I believe this is the part that God is leading me to “The Process “. Monsters don’t appear overnight … and with that same logic, they don’t disappear overnight as well. I wasn’t aware of that. I was under the impression that when I came to Christ I became… ya know , PERFECT ! … Well sadly, I’m not .. I’m just like millions of people.. “I’m in the process”. Don’t get it twisted.. that doesn’t give me FREEDOM to do whatever and blame it on “the process” … but It gives me assurance that this MONSTER [ as nasty as he is ] will not be around forever….

I am finally [unleashed]
Follow Me On Twitter @marcunleashed


The Monster Prelude

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A closet is a place where you store things. It also serves as a holding place for things that you don’t bother to deal with when necessary. I used my closet to hide in. I took everything that bothered me and I stuck it in the closet. Like a soda can that has been visciously shaken, I am erupting.
 
Here – Today I toast to the beginning of the end.
 
                  My eyes are wide open but, I am unable to see anything. It is dark and cold in here. My lungs are filling with the crisp air; and slowly releasing it. Spiritually, I have spent my entire conscious life sitting in the confines of this closet. I would love to say that I was trapped by a force greater than myself, but sadly it was I who held the key. Imagine that, having the key to your own freedom but neglecting to use it.  Pride locked me up, and dared me to open the door. Fearful of negatively affecting my “image” or “persona” of perfection, I cowardly let “the Monster of Pride” win and I stayed there as I was instructed. I have been trapped by pride. I have visciously neglected the first order of following Jesus, denying myself. With everything at stake, my heart is beating uncontrollably. God has summoned me to come out and be healed. My mind has surrendered itself powerless to the invading thoughts of fear. The Holy Spirit speaks and says,” If they don’t love you after the truth, they never loved you to begin with”. I am extremely nervous. I slowly extend my left hand out to feel for the door knob. I feel it. As I slowly turn the door handle I take a deep breath. “ I guess it’s time for the truth”..
 
                 #Monsters Live and Monsters Die Series will be the [Naked. Me] I will confront and deal with the Monsters of Insecurity, Sexual Perversion (Homosexuality & Masturbation), Fear, and Pornography. Oh yeah, your Monsters may live today, but the Power of God carries the capacity to destroy every Monster in my life as well as in yours.  We are overcome by the power and the words of our testimonies. At some point in your life you have to grab a can of gas, a pack of matches and burn the HELL out of the closet. That one door has single handedly stopped the progression of God’s Power in my life. So it is time to open the door. Freedom is on the other side and it has been long overdue.
 

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I am Marc Coley,
& I am Finally [unleashed]
www.marcunleashed.com // @marcunleashed

Conception | Unwanted Surprises

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*** Disclaimer : there will be grammatical errors / run on sentences / & possibly a few misspelled words ( if the spell check doesn’t catch them ). It’s just the nature of the beast. One thing you can count on is.. raw content straight from my mind to this blog. ***

The last few weeks we have been jumping onto these monsters. This week we still are. Some come with warning, others  don’t …

“Wake up Marcus” WAKE UP MARCUS. “She’s Gone, Marcus, She’s GONE!. She was shaking me frantically; it was about 3 o clock in the morning.

I love you grandma! We didn’t throw that word around much in my house but I knew how she felt about me. She could have been fooling me but she made me feel as if I was the world to her. She was a short petite woman with a soft pecan brown complexion. Her hands were strong and rugged from years of child-bearing and farm work, but to me they were soft and comforting. Her hair was a mixture of gray and black, it was beginning to thin and the grey was seeming to win the battle of dominance. On Sundays I would awaken to her telling me to get up for Sunday school. The night prior she would always read the Sunday school lesson with me. I honestly can’t remember a time when we didn’t. On Sundays she used to put on her favorite purple dress, her purple “grown woman” heels and her white pearls. I thought she was beautiful.  She didn’t wear makeup and to top it off she put on a short curly wig. “My Grandma”, I though with pride.

Warm summer days, I remember getting off the bus [that wretched place (part2)] and walking into the house, where she would greet me from her favorite chair, I responded with a simple, “Hay”. Well, one day she decided to correct  me.  As usual, I stormed in the door, and said,” Hay!” She replied sharply, “Hay, Hay back! Now stick your head in a paper sack!” Well, that took me by surprised and I was silent for a moment. She told me to say, “Hay, How are you or Good evening.” I still do this till this day.

Conception: Unwanted Surprise

The year is 2001. I am in the 7th grade.  I live in Morris, GA. The country life is all I knew.  I am in my room asleep. I didn’t get under the covers that night because it is hot. “Wake up Marcus” WAKE UP MARCUS. “She’s Gone, Marcus, She’s GONE! I woke up. I am confused and startled. I see my aunt from next  door standing over me crying. I don’t know what’s going on. She repeats she’s GONE! I get out of my bed and stumble as I try to walk forward. I follow her out into the hallway. The next room is the dining area. I stop before getting into the room. My breathing unconsciously gets heavier. My heart rate seems to be going 300 miles per hour. I see her in her favorite chair. Her head is slumped over. Her eyes are closed. I look around and everyone is crying. Mentally, I am trying to think of every possible explanation but the obvious. Reality is fighting to set in, but with every  ounce of strength in me, I fight back. Tears begin to fall without me even thinking about crying, reality won, she is …. She is … she is …. DEAD… My grandmother is dead. My world chatters instantly, my future, my goals, my dreams all vanish within moments. My security, my confidante is gone.

I am hurt, I am confused. Death happens to other people but not to her.  Surely, God being [all-knowing] knows how much I need her here with me… doesn’t He…? I wanted to make her proud; I wanted her to see me grow up. I wanted her to be there when I graduated.  … I just want her here. I am selfish, but I don’t care… she was mine.

Snapshot: I am in an airplane and the hatch is open ready for me to jump out! Life is behind me and it tells me that I will push you when you are ready. I am confident in that because when I AM READY, then I will jump. Without any announcement, Life pushes me out of the plane. As I fall, I’m thinking …. “I wasn’t ready YET! … I WASN’T ready YET!  But Life doesn’t care if you were ready…

In the midst of living life; I have learned that it will throw everything and anything at you! Sadly, most of the time it comes without warning. The only thing that God has given us power to control is our response. How we respond to the “unwanted surprises” is what dictates how our life unfolds. Here are the FACTS: Life will give you LEMONS… but take those lemons and start a multibillion dollar company and call it “The Lemons of Life, LLC”. The thing about Monsters is that they will come and go. It’s almost like clockwork; a new monster [struggle] is born unto us each day. I’m learning that they may not go away just when I want them to, but God is using the monsters to PERFECT greatness in me.

Thank you so much for reading. As we go into the New Year remember, “Nothing changes physically, until it changes mentally!”

 

I am Marc Coley & [ I am Finally Unleashed]
Follow me on twitter @marcunleashed